people w. skin sensitivities/sensory issues related to clothes, please advise

[laurajv]

I have an elementary-school-aged child who has some sensory issues. She and I have been struggling a bit with one part of her wardrobe — things for when she needs to be dressed up. I want her clothes to be comfortable for her, but I allllllso don’t want her to become a target for bullying for wearing inappropriate clothes to, say, school concerts.

 

Here’s what she and I have worked out so far:

- no trousers with buttons/zips/stiff fabrications

- no dresses

- in theory skirts are ok, but in practice dressy-enough skirts usually have itchy waistbands or fabrics

- leggings with dressy/festive patterns are almost always too itchy

- cardigans can be very fancy before they get bothersome because of the layer underneath. pullovers get too hot too quickly, though.

- tights are fine but leggings are preferable under skirts

- buttoned shirts are fine as long as they are soft fabrics

 

So I think what we can work with is:

- a few nice buttoned shirts (she has some plaids, maybe add a solid or two in favored colors)

- a colored cardigan (she has a black one)

- black leggings that are thick enough to read as pants (but not too thick: most “jeggings” are uncomfortable to her)

- a couple jersey skirts in favored colors

- a couple jersey tops that have details like armhole ruffles or twisted hems, or very gentle applications of glitter, but not a LOT of details

 

I think that if we select from that set judiciously, she will be able to feel comfortable while still looking appropriate. What I need advice on is this: IS this actually a workable, dressy-enough wardrobe that can grow with her? I am worried she’s going to be underdressed at certain occasions and feel badly about that — she’s already noticed that she isn’t dressed as nicely as other kids at various events and been upset by it. I’m trying to strike a balance here for her that she can adapt for herself as she gets older and that won’t make her feel strange in her own skin (literally or metaphorically). 

 

Are there things we can experiment with to make her feel more dressed up? She can’t tolerate headbands or hair clips, or necklaces or bracelets. I’m tempted to let her use a little sparkle lip gloss. Maybe soft pins/brooches? 

 

Is there some obvious clothing item that she and I are missing that might help out with this? 

Comments

[loligo]

My sensory-sensitive kid is now 16 years old. She's always had two priorities in her clothing: 1) is it comfortable? and 2) is there a picture of something she likes on it? When she was little, she loved items of clothing with animals on them. Now she's more into artsy and/or fannish t-shirts from places like Threadless and Redbubble. She'll occasionally pick up on a trend herself (she asked for Vans for her everyday shoes. and she got a pair of tall black boots), but mostly I'm the one who pays attention to whether she blends in.

I'm wondering why the "no dresses" on your list? Has she not found any comfortable ones, or does she not like the idea of dresses? My kid loved the play dresses and loose leggings from Hanna Andersson. I think the loose leggings are now called "classic fit". We also had great luck with knit dresses from Land's End -- some are tunic-style with no waistband. Tea Collection was another favored source for loose tunics and animal prints: she would have absolutely lovedthis item.

Now that she's six feet tall and 200 lbs, she's also a big fan of LulaRoe: very soft fabrics, a wide size range, and fun patterns. She can wear the various shirts and tunics with her favorite black joggers (thank god we bought five pairs when Lane Bryant made them, because that particular style is long gone now). They have a kids' line, too, but I don't know how durable it is.

As far as decorative elements go, she keeps trying scarves, but gets annoyed with them after an hour or two. The only make-up she has embraced is nail polish; sparkly nail polish can go a long way to dressing up an outfit.

[laurajv]

She used to wear dresses, but asked me to stop buying them a few months ago, because they are too heavy on her shoulders. I try to make sure her wardrobe is as led by her as it can be, given that I do most of the shopping while the kids are in school, so we talk a lot about what they like and are looking for in clothes.

Sadly, fancy shirts featuring bugs and snakes are thin on the ground. If I could magic up a soft top with a glitter beetle on it, she would be over the moon. :)

Sparkly nail polish is something I hadn’t thought of — thank you! She’d almost certainly love that. Also thank you for the brand recommendations. There are a few brands she favors so far, and I’m always on a quest for more options that are reliable for her.

[loligo]

Ha, beetles would get a hard nope from my daughter, but she would be all over festive glitter reptiles! There may be a niche market here...

(Speaking of festive reptiles and niche markets, my daughter also loves to wear scale mail gauntlets on dressy occasions, but I can't really recommend them as a way to blend in! The other nerd kids are always super impressed with them, though.)

[laurajv]

The gauntlets are interesting -- I could maybe knit her some very soft lacy cuffs that she could wear with a long-sleeved black tshirt to make it dressy. Hmmm.

[azurelunatic]

One of Mama's favorite sewing tricks was to cut out a piece of patterned fabric (say, from a fat quarter with beetles) and use iron-on fabric adhesive and a line of puffy fabric paint around the edge to do appliqué accents. You might also be able to find some transparent glitter fabric paint to brush on key bits of beetle.

[laurajv]

Given her sensitivities, we have had VERY bad luck with altering clothing in any way. It's a shame because I have decent sewing skills, but can't make much for her.