etched in stone

So, I ran away from fandom in about 2012 gafiated, I believe the term used to be--short for getting away from it all. I didn't run away because I no longer wanted to be there except partially. Mostly it was because I had to work about 160 million hours/week. Well, actually I was working 35-40 hours a week at the counseling center at GSU (GA State University) and maintaining a private practice seeing about 15 clients a week and driving back and forth between the two. Roy, my spousal unit, was out of work or working part time in retail during that time and my son who was 24 didn't have work at all and had significant health issues. None of us had health insurance because the AHCA didn't require coverage of pre-existing conditions until 2014. I could go on and on about all the financial responsibility I had to manage, but I won't.

And to be 100% honest, I also ran away because I had been hurt very, very badly by someone in fandom. It's only been recently that I think I've truly finished grieving what happened there. I won't say another word about it in what could be a public forum.

My best friend since high school died sometime or another in the oughts--no--it had to have been in the 90s. She and I were, thank the gods, able to say everything we needed to say to one another before she died and I was at her side (literally) when she actually died.

I had also been living in polyamorous triad since 1986 and one of my partners left in 2006. It was an amicable parting of ways for the most part--but it was another loss of a big part of my life.

Long story short--I retreated into an introverted shell for the most part. I adored one of my colleagues at GSU. She and I hung out all the time when we weren't seeing clients and often hung out for lunch and after work. But mostly I worked all the time even when I left GSU and took almost all my clients including two therapy groups to my private practice with permission and blessings from the counseling center. I saw the groups on Saturdays. I did start taking Mondays off when I worked every Saturday.

In short, from 2012 until the last year or so, I worked. My primary social contacts after I left GSU were the characters in the books I read. We didn't even have a television from 2006 until the pandemic when someone gave me one to use to see clients. So I hung out with Mercy Thompson, Harry Dresden, Elvis Cole and Joe Pike, Miles Vorkosagin and his family, Jane Yellowrock, October Daye, Kate Daniels and Curran, Nevada and Rogan, Casey and Eric, Daemon Sadi, Jaenelle, and Lucivar Yaslana, Simon Wolfgard, Meg, and all the others in The Others, Chris Parker, Imala Anderson, and Sakai-Sama, Lily and her formidable grandmother in the Lupi series--Oh, all these characters in books which luckily my husband and son also read so I always had someone with who I could to talk about these people.

Last May--y'know, I don't really know what the hell happened--I don't remember whether I reached out to people I used to know first or if I started rewriting my Highlander fic first. However it happened, it happened. I think I actually got bloody tired of reading and reading and reading. Methos and Duncan were suddenly alive and back in my head all the time--I had some fairly decent stories that needed not extensive rewrites--Actually I think I reached out first because I found the Highlander discord group because I found my Killalissa who sent me there. I reconnected with Luminosity. I became friends rather quickly and intensively with Tornis.

And omigods, I was writing and writing and loving it. And Lissa and I, it seems like fairly soon were talking almost every day and omigods, she actually loves my duncan and methos almost as much as I love the way she writes them.

So why am I babble, babble, babbling here right now. I'm not sure. Part of it is that it's almost time to start book 3 about Duncan and Methos and this one is going to require extensive plotting. I've gotten the scene set in chapter 1 & 2 & half of 3, but now is the time to really start the plot the psychological parts of which are clear to me. The fucking action/adventure is gonna be much more of a pain to plot out. Gosh. Maybe I really do for once need to actually outline how it's gonna go. Book 1 had an action adventure plot but it just kinda flowed as I wrote it. The flow isn't happening in book 3. Well so it goes.

So why did I come here and blurt all these words out in this journal. Partly because Lissa has SO much going on that she's not available right now to plot with me. I need more people in my life that I can talk to and hang out with. I've been reaching out, but several potential friendships that interest me are just beginning to bud and certainly have not yet flowered. i just realized that I really could brainstorm with Tornis--they're really very good at helping me think through what the hell I'm doing with mechanics of plotting. I probably ought to to go and tell them so.

I think I also needed to get clear with myself about what's going on with me and the people in my life. My gods, I suddenly actually have people in my life and they're real flesh and blood people not the characters in my books.

I really should pause here and admit that I do have another 30 or so people in my life with whom I talk every week--but they're my patients and there are issues to be addressed. That's my work. They're not my friends--and they shouldn't be. I mean it's okay that S. and I have talked about Sherlock and Sherlock fic, but that's not the most important thing she and I discuss. It's okay that C and I talked about Lestat--I haven't even looked to see if there is Lestat fic. Not sure I want to. It's bad enough that I've gotten addicted to some Sherlock fic--Laura JV, if you read this, some of that is your fault.

And also, sometimes, talking to around 30 people every week with whom I actually pay attention to how their pasts are affecting their present and how they get in their own way and how to deal with parents and work and stay sane and healthy in a crazy world. Right. Sometimes all of that makes me want to either NOT talk to another person or to babble nonstop about what goes on with ME instead of listening so carefully. Though I can never really turn it off. Lissa pointed that out to me sometime recently. I said something to her about how what I said came out while I was wearing my psychologist hat. She gently informed me that as far as she can tell, I never really take that hat off. Probably so.

My gods, I've just written more about myself than I have in fucking ages. Enough already.