people w. skin sensitivities/sensory issues related to clothes, please advise

[laurajv]

I have an elementary-school-aged child who has some sensory issues. She and I have been struggling a bit with one part of her wardrobe — things for when she needs to be dressed up. I want her clothes to be comfortable for her, but I allllllso don’t want her to become a target for bullying for wearing inappropriate clothes to, say, school concerts.

 

Here’s what she and I have worked out so far:

- no trousers with buttons/zips/stiff fabrications

- no dresses

- in theory skirts are ok, but in practice dressy-enough skirts usually have itchy waistbands or fabrics

- leggings with dressy/festive patterns are almost always too itchy

- cardigans can be very fancy before they get bothersome because of the layer underneath. pullovers get too hot too quickly, though.

- tights are fine but leggings are preferable under skirts

- buttoned shirts are fine as long as they are soft fabrics

 

So I think what we can work with is:

- a few nice buttoned shirts (she has some plaids, maybe add a solid or two in favored colors)

- a colored cardigan (she has a black one)

- black leggings that are thick enough to read as pants (but not too thick: most “jeggings” are uncomfortable to her)

- a couple jersey skirts in favored colors

- a couple jersey tops that have details like armhole ruffles or twisted hems, or very gentle applications of glitter, but not a LOT of details

 

I think that if we select from that set judiciously, she will be able to feel comfortable while still looking appropriate. What I need advice on is this: IS this actually a workable, dressy-enough wardrobe that can grow with her? I am worried she’s going to be underdressed at certain occasions and feel badly about that — she’s already noticed that she isn’t dressed as nicely as other kids at various events and been upset by it. I’m trying to strike a balance here for her that she can adapt for herself as she gets older and that won’t make her feel strange in her own skin (literally or metaphorically). 

 

Are there things we can experiment with to make her feel more dressed up? She can’t tolerate headbands or hair clips, or necklaces or bracelets. I’m tempted to let her use a little sparkle lip gloss. Maybe soft pins/brooches? 

 

Is there some obvious clothing item that she and I are missing that might help out with this? 

Comments

[vass]

It's really good that you want her to be comfortable and that you're doing your best to help her strike that balance.

Re itchy waistbands, is it possible to modify the waistband so it's not itchy? e.g. by having something tucked underneath it?

Also, it might be worth reviewing her sensory stuff when you're buying new clothes, to see if anything's changed. (As you might already know, people can lose or gain sensitivities unexpectedly. e.g. I went from needing to have my shirt tucked into my waistband always, must not hang out, to needing to have it hang out and not be tucked in.)

Be careful to make it clear that this is not "have you grown out of being so silly about not wearing certain textures yet?" since if she's sensitive to tone or defensive about her sensory stuff, she might hear that even if you definitely didn't say or mean it.

A good way to make it clear that's not what you mean might be to stress that you're asking about if she's gained new ones as well as if she's lost old ones. And remind her that trying out new things isn't a binding commitment that she has to keep wearing them if they don't work - I'm sure you know that, but she might not (especially if the sensory thing isn't her only autistic trait?)

I have a friend who went through her whole teens believing she "wasn't allowed to" wear certain clothes for some unspecified reason, and when she asked her mother about it in adulthood it turned out she herself had refused to wear those things early on, and her mother had taken it on board that "Name won't wear that" and had stopped buying them. Her senses changed over time and she forgot she'd ever had a problem with that sort of clothes, and concluded her mother had the problem. Meanwhile her mother had assumed she still wouldn't wear them. Everyone was acting in good faith, it just didn't occur to either of them to ask the question.

[laurajv]

that is a good reminder, thank you! in the past she’s been good at communicating her problems — for a while she ONLY would wear dresses, but now dresses are “too heavy on my shoulders” — but she’s still at the age where I’m buying most of her clothes on solo shopping runs, so I do have to make assumptions, and I should be better at doublechecking those before the shopping run.

The latest skirt, we tried wearing it over her favorite leggings, but the waistband itched even through that. I’d touched it in the store and thought it was fine, but it clearly wasn’t.