people w. skin sensitivities/sensory issues related to clothes, please advise

[laurajv]

I have an elementary-school-aged child who has some sensory issues. She and I have been struggling a bit with one part of her wardrobe — things for when she needs to be dressed up. I want her clothes to be comfortable for her, but I allllllso don’t want her to become a target for bullying for wearing inappropriate clothes to, say, school concerts.

 

Here’s what she and I have worked out so far:

- no trousers with buttons/zips/stiff fabrications

- no dresses

- in theory skirts are ok, but in practice dressy-enough skirts usually have itchy waistbands or fabrics

- leggings with dressy/festive patterns are almost always too itchy

- cardigans can be very fancy before they get bothersome because of the layer underneath. pullovers get too hot too quickly, though.

- tights are fine but leggings are preferable under skirts

- buttoned shirts are fine as long as they are soft fabrics

 

So I think what we can work with is:

- a few nice buttoned shirts (she has some plaids, maybe add a solid or two in favored colors)

- a colored cardigan (she has a black one)

- black leggings that are thick enough to read as pants (but not too thick: most “jeggings” are uncomfortable to her)

- a couple jersey skirts in favored colors

- a couple jersey tops that have details like armhole ruffles or twisted hems, or very gentle applications of glitter, but not a LOT of details

 

I think that if we select from that set judiciously, she will be able to feel comfortable while still looking appropriate. What I need advice on is this: IS this actually a workable, dressy-enough wardrobe that can grow with her? I am worried she’s going to be underdressed at certain occasions and feel badly about that — she’s already noticed that she isn’t dressed as nicely as other kids at various events and been upset by it. I’m trying to strike a balance here for her that she can adapt for herself as she gets older and that won’t make her feel strange in her own skin (literally or metaphorically). 

 

Are there things we can experiment with to make her feel more dressed up? She can’t tolerate headbands or hair clips, or necklaces or bracelets. I’m tempted to let her use a little sparkle lip gloss. Maybe soft pins/brooches? 

 

Is there some obvious clothing item that she and I are missing that might help out with this? 

Comments

[sara]

My daughter's autistic (now teenaged), and she wears a lot of knit dresses without real defined waistbands. She will do jeans on cold days but dress pants only when mandatory (orchestra recitals, etc). She much prefers tights to leggings but this hasn't always been the case (no, I have no idea what changed). As they get older you can just buy everything in black and it looks plenty dressy enough.

I let my daughter get her ears pierced pretty young, and she likes to do sparkly earrings. She's done some necklaces -- I made her some that were also good fidgets, but she wore them out!

I'm generally pretty open-minded about her and clothes as long as everything's clean. IDK if autism is your kid's issue or not, but my big pro tip if it is? Buy two of anything that seems like it might become a favorite, because my goodness, once it's a favorite they're going to wear it to EVERYTHING and if you have two in different colors you can rotate them in and out of the washer and there's less of the "Ew, you're wearing the SAME VEST EVERY DAY" routine from other children.

[laurajv]

she does love duplicates in multiple colors of things that work for her. I’ve had some luck with a couple of brands advertised as “sensory friendly” but they have all had a very casual aesthetic.

My whole family has a ton of sensory processing issues, so I assume hers has a genetic origin. Most of us don’t have skin sensitivities, though — I have multiple first-degree relations with echolalia, food texture issues, auditory processing issues, and synesthesia. I have three of those myself, and my daughter has food issues as well.

thank you!