PSA: for people who don't like dogs

[laurajv]

This is inspired by a comment on Captain Awkward from someone who didn't care for dogs, but who assumed that dog owners LIKE jumpy dogs and think jumpy dogs are great, and that:

- dog jumps
- owner tells dog not to jump
- jumped-upon person protests it is ok and pets dog, regardless of their personal feelings on the matter

is the proper, polite exchange that you do in this situation.

IT IS NOT. It is really, really not. If you are not a dog person, please, please, don't think this; what is happening is that by trying to be polite, you are actually being rude and doing the opposite of what the dog owner would like. You are making that dog more dangerous (even a nice dog can hurt people badly by jumping on them -- imagine an 80 lb dog jumping on a toddler or a person with frail bones), you are making it harder to train, and as a bonus, you are having to put up with something you don't even LIKE.

Very few dog owners want their dogs to jump on people. I promise you, we don't think it's cute, and we don't think people enjoy it. Most of us want our dogs to be well-behaved and polite; we want them to be safe around all people and around other dogs; we want people who don't particularly like dogs, or are afraid of dogs, to find our dogs calm and unthreatening.

If a non-aggressive* dog jumps on you, the best, politest response is to keep your hands at your sides and turn your shoulder to the dog. Don't speak to the dog if the owner is there and is telling the dog not to jump; if there is no owner there, or the owner is being a dick and not saying anything, you can say "NO" in a deep, serious voice.

Except in the case of the rare, dickish owner, this is what the dog's owner would prefer. You are helping the owner and the dog AND yourself! You are helping all the people the dog will encounter after you! I am not joking not even one little bit.

* If you are attacked by an aggressive dog, try to sacrifice your non-dominant arm. If at all possible, get your non-dominant arm across your body (back, bonier-side out -- remember you have arteries on the soft side!) and into the dog's mouth. You do NOT want an aggressive dog getting your throat, dominant arm, either hand, crotch, face, legs, or feet. Your non-dominant forearm is your best chance for getting out of the situation with wounds that will impact your life as little as possible.

Comments

[resonant]

As a non-dog-owner and person who's nervous around dogs, I read that thread with interest!

And as a parent, I completely agree with the corollary that some commenters raised: If a child behaves badly and the parent corrects her (in a nonviolent way, of course), the proper and polite thing is to acknowledge the parent and graciously accept any apology that's offered by either party -- not to say, "Oh, that's all right, I didn't mind when she put her hand in my purse/smeared her sticky fingers on my blazer/called me an old bat/played a loud game on her iPhone during my father's funeral -- here, honey, have some candy"!

[metaphortunate]

Absolutely! Back us up in our thankless effort to teach manners, world!

[laurajv]

I know many people who are nervous around dogs! They are just one reason why I want my two dogs to be responsible canine citizens. They're not "large dogs", but they are certainly big enough to frighten people and more than big enough to hurt people accidentally (they're both under 40 lbs, but 40 lbs of muscly dog is a lot of strength and teeth, you know?).

It's a lot like with kids and manners, I agree. I don't think everyone is a dog person or a kid person, or that they SHOULD be; I do want them to not feel hassled by MY dogs and MY children, as much as that is possible.

[ratcreature]

Urgh, I have nothing against dogs, but I loathe jumpy dogs, not least because I'm not particularly fond of being a doormat for muddy dog paws. Thankfully it rarely happens to me. My main problem is my sister's current Jack Russel terrier who at least initially was very excitable. But he was barely past puppyhood when I saw him last and still doing dog school once a week. So I hope the next time I see him he'll be less jumpy.

[laurajv]

I am a crazy dog person, and I hate muddy paws, too. Urgh, gross mud on my clothes! Unless I am specifically dressed for mud, DO NOT WANT.

[st_aurafina]

People were always really worried our great danes were going to jump up on them, which was puzzling to us, because we never let them. I always thought it was their size? But maybe it was a general expectation that we liked them to do it?

Also, I'm pretty sure that by the time I've figured out which is my non-dominant arm, I'll be dog-snacks. *sigh*

[laurajv]

The one you instinctively fling up in front of your face is your dominant arm, most of the time, which of course is just what you don't want to be doing...

I adore Great Danes! My aunt has the most lovely Great Danes and they're just the sweetest. Too much dog for my non-dog-person husband, though; both of ours are sub-40-lbs -- nice medium-sized mutts.

[starhanyou]

To add to your nondominant arm advice - close your hands into fists (I expect thumb in would be best) not to hit the dog, but to protect your fingers.

Great advice!

[laurajv]

Yes -- I mean, dogs are fast, and generally you have very little time to react if one is attacking you, so a fist might be an afterthought, but it's a good plan. The goal is to get fragile and/or removable body parts out of its path, and fingers definitely qualify as both.

[krait]

As a dog person - thank you for this!

It's always so awkward when people try to "politely" brush off my dog's behaviour; instead of just correcting the dog, I also have to try to politely correct the person, too, making for twice the work. (More like three or four times the work, really, because dogs are easy but people are complicated.)

I like the comparison to children who have breached the bounds of good manners, because I think that's a situation that often gets the same well-meaning response of "oh, no, it's okay" which disrupts what the kid's Authority Figure is trying to accomplish. And hey, it might be okay in that particular instance - maybe the person was genuinely bored with their book and would rather talk to the kid about their necklace, or whatever (or, in canine examples, was wearing old gardening clothes and doesn't mind more hair and mud) - but the trick is that the person excusing it? Does not see the overall pattern that the parent sees. Maybe the kid interrupted a teacher five times in the last week! You don't know, but by breaking the parent's attempt at correction you have inadvertently reinforced the problem.

My dog is too smart for her own good; she tests boundaries and she files away workarounds. (When we first taught her to sit instead of jumping, she worked out that she could quickly jump-then-sit and still get a treat, so that became a pattern for a little while!) I cringe inside when people let her get away with things, because I know that she'll be all too quick to pick up on the new exception to the rule and try to run with it.


As someone who works with dogs, I must note that there's an added bonus to the "don't react, turn away till the dog behaves" approach, too: it's a nice way to train the owner, too! I won't face you or praise your pet until it's behaving, so if you're not enforcing good behaviour... I hope you're prepared to wait! :D

[laurajv]

We have an older dog and a puppy right now, and our older dog had a lot of difficulty with verbal commands* -- so we do mostly gestural with her, accompanied by phrases that please us.

For example, we say "Do excited dogs get patted?" if she is too excited to get pats. We also say "Like a mob hit!" when we take her out. As a result, our puppy is learning some weird commands. We are switching back to more common ones for a lot of things, just so that other people have a reasonable chance of communicating with her.


* Seriously, weeks and weeks of "sit" got nothing, but one training session with pointing instead? Boom, butt down. We don't know why, but whatever. Between gestures and handclaps she's got a recall, sit, stay, a few other safety-based commands, and a couple cute tricks -- if you give her a thumbs-up, she'll sproing up in place like a springbok, which is HILARIOUS.