etched in stone

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/the-best-office-holiday-party-date-story-of-all-time-6.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34216

A couple of years ago, someone shared what I consider to be the best holiday date story of all time, and it must be shared here again. Enjoy:

When I was fresh out of college, a dude in my social circle invited me to his fancy work Christmas party. He was a teacher, so I’d kind of assumed I was there as friend to act as a buffer between well-intentioned female colleagues who wanted to set him up with one another, with their daughters, etc. I was wrong! This invitation to a work Christmas party was meant to be the first date of a magical relationship between two people destined to be together. Why a magical relationship? When I opened the door, he said he’d hope we’d have a magical night leading to a magical relationship. Then HE DID A MAGIC TRICK. I was… startled.

The party was at a country club, where he drove around and around looking for a space while I said “they have valet. it’s only valet” over and over. Inside there was a coat check. He didn’t want to leave his coat–because there were additional magic tricks secreted inside. We went in, got our drink tickets and our seating assignment. I sat down at a table that was mostly single women several years older than we were. He offered to get me a drink, and I asked for a glass of any kind of wine. He came back several minutes later with a mudslide because girls love mudslides, because they’re chocolate and girls love chocolate. I don’t. But he tried! That’s sweet! Right? Over dinner, I tried to make that sort of general polite conversation people make around banquet tables with strangers. He kept jostling my arm to get my attention to show me another magic trick.

At the beginning of the evening, I really thought we were casual friends, but I was single and kind of open to dating this guy if we got on well. Maybe that hokey line was a story we’d tell our grandchildren! But it was becoming increasingly clear that this guy was Not for Me. That didn’t mean I wanted to embarrass him in front of his principal, though. I finally said something like, “Would you mind terribly saving those for after dinner? I’m really interested in hearing more about Harriet’s begonias, aren’t you?”

He pushed his chair back and stalked across the ballroom to a piano. He plopped down and proceeded to pound out an assortment of sad pop hits. There was Muzak-y Christmas music, but he was gonna play the piano anyway. At this point, I was embarrassed to have come with this guy. My tablemates were embarrassed for me. One of them left and came back with the glass of wine I’d asked for initially. I drank it while the middle aged ladies at our table told me all about their various bad dates. More wine showed up. Then someone asked if I like martinis and brought a martini. Apparently none of them drank, and, as my date played “You’re So Vain” while staring mournfully at me, I drank my way through pretty much all their drink tickets. I am an effusively nice drunk person. I told each and every one of these women that they were beautiful angels shaping tomorrow’s great minds to recognize the power of sisterhood and human kindness. Or something to that general effect. My memory is a bit fuzzy, for obvious, gin-based reasons.

My date wanted to leave, so I went to coat check. I tipped the coat check person, and he reached in the tip jar to fish out my money. I thought he was going to pay the tip. Nope. He told me coat check is free. I said I know. I put my tip back in the jar and sidestepped him when he tried to help with my jacket. His department chair and her husband appeared and said that my apartment was on their way and they’d be happy to drive me. I told them they were “hashtag relationship goals” and made an actual hashtag with my fingers.

I was driven home by way of Taco Bell by these very nice strangers. A week later, the guy called to say his work friends loved me and would I like to go out again. I would not.

A few years later, a friend was telling me about a legendary party her school hosted before she got a job there. A girl nobody knew got plastered and told everyone she loved and appreciated them while her boyfriend played the piano at her and drowned out the Christmas music. I did not reveal my identity. Maybe there’re two of us? I hope there’re two of us.

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Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/update-how-do-i-adjust-to-returning-to-the-office-after-working-from-home-for-5-years.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34718

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

Remember the letter-writer who asked how to adjust to returning to the office after working from home for five years? Here’s the update.

It’s now been almost five months since the 50% in-office mandate began, and it has been … an adjustment, but not nearly as difficult as I anticipated. I ended up choosing to spend one work week of the pay period in the office, and the other work week at home. (For context, the work week for our state government agencies is Wednesday through Tuesday, so that means I go in on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and then the following Monday and Tuesday.) I can’t comment on other divisions at my agency, but mine (human resources) was given the flexibility to decide how the 50% work time would look for each of us.

I also forgot to mention that this mandate only applied to employees who live 50 miles or less from the main office; anyone who lives more than 50 miles away and/or was granted a medical accommodation has been allowed to continue 100% (or close to) telework.

The return to office was also staggered in phases so as not to overwhelm building staff and resources. Human resources was in phase 1 but we were allowed to ramp up to a consistent 50/50 schedule beginning in July, as to allow time to make arrangements for child care, schooling, parking, etc. The final phase has been delayed to allow for renovations of the top floor to continue due to repeated delays in that area. My understanding is that the work should be finished in another month or thereabouts and the final group of employees will begin returning in December. (Which I’m sure they’re not too thrilled about because it’s Minnesota and winter weather/snow will surely impact their commutes!)

Personally, I have found that advance planning with meals and transportation have saved me a lot of stress. I stick to simple food and snacks that don’t require a microwave and I bring them in bulk quantities to last for the work week. That makes getting up half an hour earlier on those days less frantic! I also have my partner drop me off/pick me up which saves money on parking (except for a few days when he was out of town and I had to drive myself).

So overall the 50% return to office has gone relatively well, and we are being given (at least in my division) plenty of flexibility when, you know, life happens (illness, sick kids, family emergencies, etc.) and we don’t have to “make up” days not in office due to sickness, vacation, or otherwise planned time off. My agency has been handling the RTO mandate better than other state agencies, as I’ve been told by my work friends in state government. I know that the rate of medical accommodation requests under the ADA rose significantly when the RTO was first announced and then began but have since leveled off somewhat, based on a conversation I had with the DEI manager. My personal suspicion is that many of them were easy to deny because employees wanted accommodations to care for family or have flexible schedules that allowed them to leave early or come in late, and ADA accommodations are only intended to help the employee perform their job responsibilities with or without an accommodation.

I would like to address a few of the comments which made it sound like I had no clue about office life! Prior to March 2020, I had always worked full-time on-site at every job post-college. So it was not a new work situation; rather, I was asking for help in moving back to a mindset that required me to look and act more professional than was needed during telework. There was a lot of useful advice and I thank everyone who offered suggestions! For those of you readers who have experienced a similar circumstance, regardless of job or industry, or are confronting a RTO situation, I can empathize.

Alison and readers, thank you so much for all the wisdom, advice and hilarious commentary. AAM remains one of my absolute favorite sites!

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